


didn't fall

by Lafayetti



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Connor's there for like... a second, Depression, Evan has Had Enough and Jared is Trying, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Panic Attacks, Suicide mention, could be read as jared/evan? idk, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 03:05:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafayetti/pseuds/Lafayetti
Summary: Evan finally tells Jared how he really broke his arm.





	didn't fall

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So, as I said in the tags, tw for panic attack, suicide mention, etc. This could be read romantically? I guess? In my head it's more like me indulging in Evan and Jareds' growing healthy relationship. Feedback is appreciated!

Jared gave Evan a ride to school.  
"Yo Ev, hold this for a sec," Jared requested, thrusting his Redbull can into Evan's uninjured hand as he fumbled with his car keys. He paused before releasing the can, a snide smirk making its way onto his face. "Or maybe I shouldn't trust you not to spill it, Mr.‘Clumsy enough to fall out of a tree.’” Jared chuckled. Evan flinched.  
\---  
Evan passed Jared in the hallway at school.  
“Hey Evan, what’s up? Manage to fall out of any trees yet today?” Evan mumbled something incoherent and kept walking.  
\---  
At lunch, Evan got up to get a napkin and stumbled slightly.  
“Careful, klutz, you might fall again and break your other arm,” Jared remarked. Connor shot a concerned look at Evan and a glare at Jared, but didn’t comment. Neither did Evan.  
\---  
And so it continued, Jared firing seemingly harmless jokes at Evan about his supposed “accident” with the tree and Evan pretending to brush them off. But, Evan reasoned with himself, there was only so long a person could brush off jokes about their suicide attempt without reaching a breaking point. Evan’s breaking point was reached after school at Jared’s house while they were doing homework.  
Snort. “Hey Evan, remember when you fell-”  
“No.”  
“-out of that tr- what did you say?” Jared asked, his chortling stopping but an amused glint remaining in his eyes. “No? Last time I checked, you’ve got a freaking broken arm to remind you of how you managed to fa-” He was interrupted again.  
“No, I- I d-didn’t. I didn’t fall. I didn’t. I climbed the tree, as high as I could, and- well, I- I let go! I let go of the branch! I went to the forest on purpose and I climbed the tree on purpose a-and I let go of that branch on purpose and the only part of the whole thing that was an accident is- is that I only managed to break my arm,” Evan burst out, nearly inaudible at the end. He didn’t look up, didn’t dare chance a glance at his friend (who am I kidding, he’s not going to be friends with me after this, he’ll hate me, oh god what did I do, I should’ve just let him think it was an accident. What if he tells my mom? What will my mom think? She’ll hate me, she’ll finally get rid of me, she’ll finally know the truth, oh God, oh Godifuckedupwhatdoido). 

He kept looking down, picking at his shirt, pulling at the threads, ruining the fabric because maybe if he focused on his shirt and didn’t make eye contact he’d eventually just disappear like he’d wanted in the first place. He kept looking down even as his breathing sped up, as his thoughts scrambled more and more and there was nothing he could do except keep looking down, looking down, looking down like he’d looked down from the top of the tree and visualized  
himself at the bottom, no longer looking anywhere because he was- well. 

And now even though Evan knew that it hadn’t worked, that he had gotten out of the ordeal nearly unscathed, he was starting to second guess himself because, hey, look at that, he couldn’t breathe, and the only reason he wouldn’t be able to breathe would be if he was dead, right? He shook his head, gasping for air, and repeated, “I didn’t- I didn’t fall, I didn’t, I’m sorry, I- I jumped, I jumped, I-” his chin was tilted up, steadying hands were on his shoulders, and Evan’s already unsteady breath hitched as he was reminded of another person’s presence in the room. Jared’s face was inches away from his, all traces of amusement gone from his eyes. 

“Ev, Evan, look at me, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, hey, look at me,” Jared pleaded, something almost foreign to his face that looked like concern creasing his brow. He moved his hands to cradle Evan’s face, swiping the tears -Oh, great, am I crying?- from under Evan’s now bloodshot blue eyes. Jared grabbed Evan’s good hand, placing it on Jared’s own chest. “Hey, calm down, it’s okay, breathe with me, breathe with me, come on.” Evan did, trying and eventually succeeding to match his breathing with Jared’s and calming down slightly. 

After a few minutes, Evan spoke, his voice scratchy and uneven. “I’m- um, I’m sorry, I’ll- I can go now.” He began to stand up shakily from his spot on Jared’s bedroom floor.  
Before Evan could get anywhere, his friend grabbed his arm and pulled him back down and into a tight embrace. He landed so he was basically in Jared’s lap, his friend’s arms wrapped tightly around his torso and Jared’s face buried in his chest. Evan stiffened in surprise before relaxing and then slowly returning the embrace with his good hand.

“Evan, I’m so- why- you could’ve told me! Don’t ever pull shit like that again!” Jared exclaimed, pulling his head back slightly. Evan was surprised to see that his eyes were shining. “I mean- I know I joke around sometimes-” Evan shot him a disbelieving look. “Well, maybe more than sometimes. That’s not the point. The point is that you- you’re my best friend, Ev!”

Evan looked down. “You- you always said we were j-just family friends.” When Jared’s mouth opened to object, he kept speaking. “Which we’ve already gotten past and I now know was a joke. But… back then, I didn’t know that, and I felt so alone, and I just wanted to disappear,” he said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Jared.”

“And I’m sorry for believing that bullshit story about falling out of a tree,” Jared replied. “And… oh my God, the amount of jokes I made! I’m so sorry Evan, no wonder you were so upset.”

“It’s okay, Jared, really,” Evan assured him with a tightening of his arm around Jared. “Are… are we okay?” He asked timidly.

Jared nodded in confirmation. “We’re okay.”

And they were.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! feel free to leave comments & kudos! also, hmu on tumblr @/toadhatepage !


End file.
